Defying Gravity

Me: I'm channeling Idina Menzel for this post.

My alter ego: What in the world are you talking about?

Me: You know...from "Wicked".

Alter Ego: No, I don't know. Where?

Me: Not where. It's a what. "Wicked" the Broadway musical based on the book that is the prequel to "The Wizard of Oz" and explains how the Wicked Witch came to be. In its hayday it starred Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel as Glinda the Good Witch and Elphaba the Wicked Witch of the West. One of the key songs in the musical was "Defying Gravity." You know witches and flying and all?

Alter Ego: Whatever. Dancing with the Stars is on.

I really do read too much, listen to too much music, and know too much pop culture and trivia. I think it is rotting my brain. The point being, Bean decided to try to defy gravity today and was not successful.

She is so wiggly and always on the go. Many times when I try to change her diaper, she flops and flips over and tries to get away. She's very spry. This morning, while getting her ready, she completed her fourth flop and was quite frustrated with me putting her back on her back. For her final attempt, she decided to do a "Flip 'N Lurch" combo. Only the most skilled babies can accomplish it -- sort of like a triple axle in figure skating. In half a second, she flipped onto her stomach and lurched forward...right off the end of the changing table. I even had my hand on her as she dove off. It was that fast.

I get an instant adrenaline dump as I extricate my 7 month old from the Pampers box. See, at the end of the changing table is where I have been storing and open Pamper's box to throw in clothes that no longer fit (on top on another full box). It is convenient, or more so, I'm lazy. It sure did come in handy that her fall was about 2 feet shorter and cushioned by small onesies, short pants, and jammies that don't work.

Her fat little legs kicking out of the top of the box would have been funny, if not for the danger. I pulled her out by her ankles while she cried and clutched a little pink and white gingham skirt from the box. I uprighted her and started touching her to see if she had any marks that would warrant the sitter calling CPS on me. Within 5 seconds, no exaggerating, she realized she was right-side-up, stuffed the little skirt into her mouth (her "treasure" from the ordeal), kicked me in the gut and let out a happy little grunt.

Little toot. She has no fear. For the next 17 years and 5 months I have nothing but fear. I have a feeling she isn't going to let me go easy.