Pretty soon I won't say huh

Booyah, you have inspired me to write again. Sorry I couldn't give you the topic, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to you.

Spring Break was two weeks ago and I'm still recovering. Leaking washing machine, exploded swimming pool, sick family, and more. It sucked. The best part was my hearing test.

Brad has been harassing me for years that I'm deaf. I know I don't hear as well as other people. So what. I'm an Eagleton. My maiden name is "huh?" I've always thought that Wierd Al was the King of Greatness because I can understand his lyrics and he hears them like I do. It took me years to realize that Eric Clapton's hit "She is Crying" (she is crying....she is crying on the floor) was actually "Jesus Christ - Jesus Christ - Jesus Christ is on the phone." But it is normal. Brad just has freak super-sonic hearing.

To humor him I made an appointment with an audiologist for a full-scale hearing assessment. I would come home, doctor's note in hand, that stated HE WAS WRONG!!! Muuhahahaha!

It didn't go exactly as I planned. During the appointment I was locked in a soundproof box and asked to perform all kind of monkey experiments including the famous push-the-button-when-you-hear-the-beep test. I've never felt more unsuccessful during a test in all my life. I knew there were supposed to be beeps in the silence. Should I just push the button? Surely there was a beep there.

Emerging from the box, defeated, I was informed I have moderate to severe hearing lose in both ears. Alas, not the result of loud Weird Al concerts or marching band competitions or elementary school field trip buses, but rather a genetic juvenile neuro hearing loss -- late onset. I know I'm always late. it sure is nice to have "juvenile" in your hearing loss diagnosis I must say.

I have developed coping mechanisms during the last years. Turns out I don't hear a lot of consonants when people speak. AEIOU (and sometimes Y) don't leave you with a lot of room for comprehension. I use what I can hear with context clues to figure things out. My brain works overtime constantly. That is why I asked the teacher in the lounge what happened to her grandmother she looked at me with a funny face and said, "These cramps hurt like a mother!" Oops. Got that context wrong.

I also read lips. Seriously! I have an undiscovered super-spy, ninja skill! When the audiologist asked me to repeat after her a list of words I did great. Then she covered her mouth with a folder and she sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher. Now I notice myself doing it all the time. It is also the reason I hate cartoons. Their mouths don't match. Screw you Fraggles.

She asked me if I would like to try out some hearing aids. Oh, dear God. Hearing aids at age 29. I can have those nice beige plugs my PaPa has. But luckily the kind I need are totally different. I don't need plugs, because I can hear low frequencies pretty well, I need something amplify the high pitches. So I get a cool little do-dad's that sit behind my hear with the world's tinies ear bud that runs into my ear canal. Ok, so not cool but not to bad at all.

Once I try them on, the world is clear. I feel my whole body relax after about 30 minutes of not having to focus on every sound. Downside? They are $7000 a pair. Ouch. It takes a couple of days to figure out my insurance only covers a $1000 and I'm supposed to be thankful for that. A repeat appointment to find a cheaper pair reveals the fancy pants pair I tried the first time is the same as the cheaper $3000 pair minus blue tooth technology. So what!

At that appointment I had to take Claire with me. I was worried at first, but it was really great because I got to hear different sounds while I was trying them out. I heard the air conditioner in the building kick on. Claire grabbed some cereal from the cup in my purse -- I could hear her crunching her food! Did you know you can hear other people chew in a quiet room? I didn't.

It will take a few weeks for my insurance to cough up the cash so I can get my new ears, but pretty soon I won't say "huh?" for every other word. Hearing aids were not on my list of things to do before 30, but since I've decided against a torrid affair with the lead singer of Muse (for moral convictions only --- there is nothing wrong with Matt), I might as well make a swap out.