Why Daft Punk Is Up All Night to Get Puppies

Poor Claire gets both her father's freakishly good general hearing and my freakishly bad ability to understand lyrics from me.

Even though I have a strong musical background: years of high school band, private lessons, college music scholarship, lifelong love of all music, etc., I can't hear lyrics worth a damn. 

I'm quite infamous for thinking that Eric Clapton had Jesus Christ on the phone in his classic "Cryin'."  You can here the real version here.  For years I thought Bon Jovi was singing, "I doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not" in "Livin' On a Prayer" (it is kind of better that way!).  Even though it isn't lyric specific, Brad eternally loves to laugh at me for confusing AC/DC with Ozzy Osbourne.  They totally do sounds the same.  Listen to AC/DC and Ozzy here.

Since it is natural for me not to hear words, I've kind of just "tweaked" the inappropriate lyrics [that I can understand] for my 4 year old when they come on the pop radio stations.  Did you know that in our version of Ke$ha's song Tik Tok she will: 

Wake up in the morning feelin' like PDiddy

Grab my glasses; I'm out the door; I'm gonna hit this city.

Before I leave, brush my teeth to get rid of the plaque

cuz when I leave for the night, I ain't comin' back.

You might have seen her version of Thrift Shop where she thinks popping tags is "totally awesome."

Our most recent addition to the lyric rewrites has been Daft Punk's "Get Lucky."   Claire caught me off guard driving down the freeway when she asked, "What are they talking about?  Why are they up all night to get lucky?"  Ummm....think quick, Mom!  "They are staying up late to play games." I stutter... "they want to win.  They are having good fun and getting lucky playing board games!"  This got a good eye roll from Dad a few days later.  He decided it sounded better if you sing it, "I'm up all night to get puppies."  Claire loves it and we all sing "The Puppy Song."  I dare you to hear this summer ear worm without singing "We're up all night to get puppies."

If you can't relate to any of this, I urge you to take a look at this piece of greatness.  No one knows what they hell they are saying in Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter.  Enjoy.  

Let's Be Besties

I have my arms in the air for you Alida (see her post here: Let's Be Besties).  It reminded me of my fragmented filter on a field trip to the science museum this year with 5th graders.

While [very impatiently] waiting for the khaki-wearing door nazis to let our group in, one mom chaperone yells at the girls who a jumping on those posts designed to keep you from driving into the museum.  She says, "Girls! Stay off the pole!!"  I walk over and say, "Good job.  I say my main goal in teaching is keeping the girls off the pole, too."  She looks at me aghast, smiles politely, and walks away.

Just a few hours later while filing into the Omni showing of "Butterflies" I politely decline my teacher seat because I'm terrified of butterflies (and 20 ft butterflies make me vomit in my mouth a little).  This starts a little conversion between me and some parent chaperones.

Moms: You are afraid of butterflies?
Me: Yes, terrified.
Moms: Just butterflies?
Me: No, I hate birds too.  Anything with wings really - birds, butterflies, flying insects, heck, I won't even use pads with wings.
Moms: (confused) pads? What?
Me: You know, maxi pads? (blushing now because I'm having to explain this)
Moms: Oh....(little titter)...goodness, I think the show is starting (obviously NOT starting)

I then spent the next 72 hours waiting for the principal to call me into his office where I would have to present a forged document with my Tourette's  Syndrome documentation and threaten to call the ADA offices.  It didn't come to fruition until the final day of school when "Keep'em Off the Pole" mom saw me at the final party.  She says to me, "I can't stop thinking about what you said at the museum that day.  I still laugh every time I think about it.  You are hilarious --- and now you seem so real.  I want you to know I'm going to request you for my 3rd grade daughter when she gets into 5th.  Someone has to keep her off the pole."

Moral: Sometimes people don't throw their hands up, jump with you, and become soul mates right away.  Sometimes they need time to process just how awesome you are.

MOM!!! You Exploded My Horses!

In linguistics, idioms are usually presumed to be figures if speech contradicting the principle of compositionality.

In other words, idioms are hard.  Especially if you are four years old.

There are believed to be over 25,000 idiomatic expressions in the English language including "hold your horses."  That's where all this came from.  Claire has heard me say many times, "Claire, just hold your horses.

So yesterday after waiting for many, many hours for the sun to go down and the start of the fireworks she starts physically spazzing out and proclaimed, "I can't do it!  My horses are going to explode out!  I can't hold them any more!"

We die laughing.  She gets her affirmation and decides this is a good avenue for comedy gold.  So today on the way to the library Brad and I make a casual mention about a Slurpee.  She inhales sharply and squeals, "We are getting a Slurpee!!!"  No, no, we explain, we just mentioned a Slurpee.  It was only 10am, not appropriate Slurpee time (if you are teaching good eating habits to a 4 year old...I personally thing there is never a bad time for a Slurpee).  She deflates and grumbles, "Mom, you exploded my horses."  More laughs.

And that, my friends, is how new idioms are born.