I Am My Mother's Child

I'm a hoarder. Nothing in my life has caused me to live a fear-based hoarding life, but I hoard. So does my mother. I learned it from her. We talk on a regular basis about how we re-arrange the canned goods in the pantry because you can't find anything.


I shared with my Mom this week how I panicked after a news story on hoarders --- real hoarders with basements and storerooms full of food in the case of an economic meltdown. The reporter came back to tell viewers that while the people featured were extreme all families should have at least THREE....and I start to panic. Three weeks of food? I don't know if I have three weeks of powdered milk. I know we could live for three weeks, but would I have all the food groups covered?.....DAYS worth of food, water, and medications. I sighed. I have enough food and water in the back of my car for three days. Because I hoard.

After the news story, I took stock of my cabinets, fridge, freezer, and medicine cabinet. Honestly, outside of clean unbottled water (we could always bucket the pool for flushing) I think we have enough supplies to go three months. Maybe more. Sure, we would eat dry cereal and beans without bacon (oh, wait, I have a jar of bacon fat in the fridge for flavor), but we could survive - and pretty easily.

Even Claire would be in diapers. Take a look at her closet:
That is 8 (yes, eight) boxes of diapers in her current and future size, plus 5 plastic "jumbo" packs. There are even two small boxes of swim diapers if we got really desperate or the emergency was of an arc nature. The plastic tub on bottom is her entire spring/summer 2010 wardrobe bought off the dollar rack at Walmart when it clearanced out in the past weeks.

The primary reason I stock pile is I buy a LOT when I get things cheap. My mom has approximately 12 jugs of Gain detergent in her garage. We call it the "Gain Army" because they look like little soldiers lined up. She got it when it was on sale and had coupons. My diaper closet was stocked by a walmart sale, plus grandma discount, plus coupons. Those boxes were around $10 each. Seriously? I have 6 boxes of Electrosol (now Finish) dish tabs because they were free after coupons. How can you not store them when they are free? I have 5 boxes of Kashi cereal because I got them for $0.33 a box. They don't expire until Aug. 2010, so if there is an Apocalypse, we will have organic breakfast cereal as the world crashes in around us.

Neurotic? Yes. Practical? Mostly. Cost efficient? Definitely.

The Star Telegram Saved me $200 today!

Beanie's allergies are acting up. I don't know what is going to happen first - I'm going to drive her crazy, or she is going to drive me crazy.

It has been a fun weekend none the less. I got my hair cut (nothing new) and we hung out at the house Saturday watching the rain and playing with Beanie. Toward the end of the day, Brad went upstairs to take a bath. Men aren't *supposed* to take baths, but he regularly soaks his sore muscles. He's not painting his nails, waxing his chest, or looking for men on Craigslist, so I think it is perfeclty manly for him to enjoy our big garden tub.

I went up this morning to clean the tub and couldn't:

"I (heart) Beanie & Mommy & MoMo & Batman" written in bubble letters using Claire's bath crayons. It was so cute and so hilarious, I had to leave the bathtub cleaning for another day.

After Claire woke from that nap, she and I went to Target to get Brad's migraine medicine. Brad lost his insurance coverage at the begining of the month and we were worried about how to pay for this medicine. Brad looked into a program at CareNow which for $20 a month, you get discounted CareNow services including a discount drug program. Sure, it isn't insurance, but it is better than nothing. While he was investigating the possible savings, I walked in and recognized the website. Thinking I'd been there before I checked the Fort Worth Star-Telegrams subscriber reward's program, PressPass, and there it was! We already got a drug discount for subscribing to the paper (a luxury for us).

Excited, I went to Target to pick up Brad's meds. They had originally rung up his 9 pills off-insurance and our price was $217. Ouch. I gave them the discount card, they re-rang it, and the new total was only $36. Score! This is only a few bucks more than when we were paying with insurance.

Additionally, I used the Target ad and a few coupons to get the following items for only $4.31.

5 Kashi Cereal - $2.88/bx (reg price $4.39)

used 5 $1.50 Honey Sunshine coupons (from VocalPoint)

got $5 Target card for buying 5 Kashi products

2 Goldfish Crackers - $1.88/bag

used 1 $1/2 peelie

1 Johnson's Buddy Bar - $.99

used $1/1 from 8/13 coupon inserts

I'm really excited about the Kashi cereal. It is full of fiber, low sugar, and Brad and Claire love it.

Now I need to keep Napless the Wonder Child happy until bedtime.

Let me explain the menstrual cycle to you...

It has been a while since I blogged. A loooong while. I update my Facebook status in small increments and it keeps my creative outlet open, but isn't nearly as satisfying as a good blog. Cathartic.

So today I had to explain how the menstrual cycle works to an employee of Blue Cross Blue Shield. I'm on The Pill and my insurance allows me to refill prescription every 30 days. However, the female cycle, like the moon, phases every 28 days. Meaning, if you wait until the last minute to pick up your pills at Target two months in a row, they aren't ready for you. I needed to start a new pill pack on Sunday, BCBS wouldn't authorize a new scrip until Tuesday.

I called BCBS and told them I needed my prescription covered because my menstrual cycle is 28 days and I'm not on the bureaucrat schedule. Paul didn't get my humor and I was a little feisty today, so I continued. Once I explained to Paul how birth control pills work, he told me to hold while he talked to his superior. His supervisor gave me the protocol to request an "override". I have to detail my request, in writing, with my doctor's instructions and fax it to some number. Then my request would be reviewed and a decision given within 10 business days. I continued my sass in poor paper-pushing Paul.

"GREAT Paul! Thanks for you help. One more question...Do you realize that a pregnancy and delivery will cost your company tens of THOUSANDS of dollars because you don't want to cover the extra $9 for my generic birth control pills?"

He didn't have anything to say.

On the plus side, the Pills are just a back-up for my neurosis. We've had a full vasectomy back in early June (that "we" being the same "we" that delivered a baby last August). Nothing is working up in there, but still, I can't quiet give up the security blanket of my little nightly pill. Maybe I need the hormones. Actually, after my lack-of-hormone filled call to Paul, I think the poor guy might actually pay for my hormones out of pocket -- possibly to keep me from breeding anyone else who could call him again and talk about their period.

Pimpin' Ride!

Claire's got wheels. She loves this car. It was found, covered in grime and God knows what else, in her Great-Grandmother's shed (shudder). After a bleach washing in Grandma's bathtub, it is good as new. She loves pushing it around and putting things in the trunk which is on the front like her momma's first Volkswagen bug. It even coverts, a la Transformer, to a full blown push toy. The rear end elevates and a handle appears. It is totally cool for screaming and ramming into Diesel.

Today she learned how to actually *sit* on it. So cool. I came into the living room and she was doing this...

Granted, it wasn't going anywhere, but she was pulling her feet up and screaming like she was on a crotch rocket flying down I-20. I was laughing so hard I can't believe the picture isn't blurry.

So an updated list of favorite toys of the month? Sorry to all of you who bought expensive baby shower gifts:

6. Mom's dirty bearcat flip flops
5. Cardboard bottom of the collapsible toy basket
4. Salvaged toy car
3. Ripped up 2007 calendar from our Realtor
2. 4 inch yellow plastic spatula, hand-me-downed from a student of mine's play kitchen
1. Sock Monkey

If you bought her something for her upcoming birthday, save the receipt. I'm sure she'll enjoy the present, but she might enjoy eating the receipt more.

Cereal Stock-up

Albertsons has crazy good deals on back-to-school cereal this week. Here is the breakdown of my morning trip:

Albertsons:

5 boxes General Mills Cereal 1.67 each sale

used 2 $1/2 boxes coupons

used 1 $.75/1 box multi-grain Cheerios coupon

2 Twix @ $.50 each

used $1/2 Mars coupon

Total spent = $5.59

Total saved = $14.74

Walgreens:

Charmin 6 pk double rolls $3.49 sale

used $1/1 charmin coupon

2 Rimmel Nail Polish $3.99 BOGO

used additional BOGO coupon from All You magazine for $2.97 (coupon max)

Milky Way bar

used free coupon from Mars Chocolate Relief Act

I have a bunch of other coupons to get free or next to free items, but I'm going to have to hit Walmart and Target this week. Plus, I have empty ink cartridges to take to Staples for $3 in Rewards bucks. Fun times! What am I going to do when I have to start working for a living again?

Total spent = $3.84

Total saved = $6.12

Some Summer Pictures

I'm loving being home with Beanie. She doesn't so much love being home with me, but it is ok! :) She prefers running around to grandmas' houses, Target, eating with Auntie Carrie, walking the dogs with Amanda, and napping (but ONLY in the car, crib, or playpen, so you better be prepared).


She's getting so big so fast and she is sooooo happy. I loooooove her!


Bath Time!

Loving on her sock monkey (her "lovey"). Can't tell she just woke up from the hair, huh?

Loving on her Diesel (she loooooves him).

Helping Daddy with video games.

Bite Me

Why didn't someone tell me about Baby Orajel before teeth #6 & #7? This stuff is awesome!!!

Previously, the sitter and others, had told me that Baby Orajel or the other numbing medication for teething was a waste. It only numbs them for a second and then they drool it all out.

Monday, I went to the dentist for myself and my AWESOME friend Carrie went along to take care of Beanie while I got all polished. They waited in the waiting room until a 6 year old girl Claire had been staring at left the waiting room for her appointment. The loss of her new friend sent her into a screaming fit I (and everyone else) could hear in the back of the office. The hygenist, who was on her first day back from maternity leave, told me to go get the baby and she could sit with Carrie on the window box.

Claire was fine for a few seconds, but really wanted to sit on Mommy, so she did. My dentist is amazing too. She came in for my inspection, and went gaga for Claire. Doesn't everyone? Dr. Brown has an almost 2 year old, so I felt confident she felt my pain and wasn't pissed that an 11 month old was in her office. Everything was great with my teeth, and Claire sat there so nicely in my lap while she did my exam. If fact, the doctor told me to bring her next time so that she seems Mommy and Daddy getting dental work done and it won't be a big deal when it is time for her to have her cleaning in another year or so. Shouldn't ALL doctors do this!!! I tell you, my dentist is worth the high price tag.

In addition, she looked at Claire's new teeth, gave us a new toothbrush teether (it brushes while it soothes and they can't stab themselves like normal brushes!!!), baby floss, baby toothpaste, counsel on a frenulum issue, and tips on teething - like using "All Night" Baby Orajel. I basically got a $100 visit for free because she was on my lap!

I was skeptical of the orajel, so I didn't use it until this morning. I saw tooth #7 for the first time and she has been fussing and biting and driving my crazy! At my wits end, I put a little orajel on her two newest teething areas. No joking --- and INSTANT smile. She even laid her head on me and I put her in her crib for an early nap. Poor thing. She probably can't sleep because of the teeth and is exhausted.

After all that, I kind of need a nap. Unfortunately, about the time I lie down she'll wake up. That is the way it goes.

I'm Officially a Crazy Coupon Lady

You can't officially be a crazy coupon lady until you have posted a picture of your purchase and what you spent for it in a blog. That is what all the crazy coupon lady bloggers do. I was so impressed that I had to do it myself. I'm embarrassed, but slightly enthralled too.

This was my trip to Target yesterday that I paid $0.08 for. Seriously...less than a dime!

Here is how it went (*the total may be slightly off because I'm going by memory b/c I can't find the receipt and there are taxed things and non-tax, but you'll get the gist):

Target Pharmacy:

Monthly prescription $9

Coupon for $10 gift card with prescription

Paid with previous prescription gift card

Total OOP (coupon speak for "out of pocket") = $0.00

Left on old gift card = $1.00

New gift card = $10.00

Target Store:

Kashi Granola Bars sale 2/$5

Used two $1.50 printable coupons from Kashi.com

Used one $1/2 printable Target.com coupon

$.50 per box

Eggo BakeShop Muffin Tops sale 2/$3

Used $1 printable coupon from coupons.com

$.50 per box

Baby Food (just plain needed!)

4 Gerber double pack fruits - $.87 ea

Used $.55/4 from Albertson's catalina (the ones that print at the register...did you know

you can use them anywhere...not just the store they printed?)

1 Up & Up (formerly Target) - $84 ea (but you get .5 oz more than Gerber)

1 Gerber #2 jar - $66 ea

6 Corn Earns sale $.10 ea

$.60

Lettuce

$.89

Archer Farms Bread

sale $.99

Ding Dogs sale $3.00 (for Brad's lunch)

$3.00

Total after coupons:

$11.08

Used $11 if pharmacy gift cards

Total OOP = $0.08

Even the cashier said, "Woah!" And the Ding Dongs where quite a splurge. I usually have coupons for snack cakes or comp them, but we were flat out of lunchbox treats and when you compare number of cakes per box versus price, Ding Dongs are the best price per cake at $.25 ea and Brad really likes them. When he takes his lunch it saves us alot more than the cost of his splurge cakes and splurge Pepsi (never pay more than $2 a case).

Alright. I'm officially a crazy coupon lady. Your awe is appreciated.

Checking Head Injuries with Remote Controls

It has been a wild day. Well, not really, but more exciting that normal.

Claire is cutting two top teeth, so she is a little fussy. I should be more mothering and empathetic, but when nothing works I get irritated at her whining all the time! I should get used to it because she is a girl, but geez.

Since we've been home Tuesday - Thursday with no outings, I decided to ease her boredom (and she DOES get insanely bored without new things and people to see) by taking her to Tom Thumb to scoop up some steals.

Using the store's super sales (loss leaders designed to get you into the store and then spend your whole grocery budget there) store coupons, and manufacturer's coupons I was able to get over $100 worth of groceries for $35 including 5 cases of Pepsi for brad's lunch, BBQ sauce, ranch dressing, oodles and gobs of condiments and hot dogs (4th of July sales plus coupons) for Claire's birthday party, a huge pack of toilet paper, cherries, coffee creamer, giant bags of potato chips, free dryer sheets, and more I can't even remember.

While unpacking the groceries at home Claire is right under foot. She loves pulling the BBQ sauce bottles off the low shelf and throwing them around. As she is doing this, I'm maneuvering my $4.49 giant 32oz. container of Miracle Whip I got for $.99 to the back of the cabinet (I put the new stuff at the back, moving the new to the front so it doesn't go bad). But I slip -- and drop it on Claire's head.

Even though Kraft doesn't put it in glass jars anymore, it was still big and I know it hurt. She starts that heart-wrenching wail that hurt babies do. She's beet red and inconsolable. I feel horrible because my klutzy self dropped the jar on her head. After a few minutes, she's still going at it and I can't decide if she has a serious injury and need to go to the doctor, or if she is just wound up from lack of nap, new teeth, and having a reason to let it all out.

Mommy isn't helping make anything better, so I go to the only thing better than Mommy - the DirecTV remote control. A big, super-forbidden baby no-no in our house, I sit her on my lap and hand her the sacred plastic with bright colorful buttons. She instantly shuts off and squeals with glee and laughs when MoMo comes and licks her tears. Thank goodness she is ok, but I kind of afraid she will start dropping things on her head so she can have it again in the future. It is a little Munchhausen's, but I wouldn't put it past her.

Bean and MoMo

Poor MoMo has been terrorized by Bean all day. I've had the camera out because I think it is quite funny in a sad way.

At first, it wasn't so bad for Mo. Claire ate cheese nips out of her plastic kitchenware, but she likes to dump everything out of the pot. Diesel recognizes that anything ON the floor is fair game, so he is fighting her for the nips. The picture doesn't communicate her squealing as he frantically runs around her eating her snack trying to avoid getting grabbed.

Because I was photographing this hilarious little adventure, I had the camera focused on her when she stood on her own for the first time!!!!! She has been making little half-hearted attempts at standing lately, but never for more than 2-3 seconds. When she realizes she isn't holding on to something she either sits or falls forward. Today she stood for a good 8 seconds. If it counts in a western rodeo, I'll count it in this rodeo!

Mo enjoyed a peaceful nap on the couch while Claire napped this afternoon, but when she woke up, she was on the rampage.

This is what you see when I pan the camera back.

And yes, she did have a midday wardrobe change because of a messy run-in with some sweet potatoes and wild Alaskan salmon for lunch. She got a little more aggressive and wound up running him off the couch.

And I don't blame him. She's got crazy hair and sharp teeth. Poor dog. He is actually napping on my while I blog this. He would rather have the laptop poking into his ribcage and be protected than risk being on the floor right now getting beaten with a pink plastic skillet.

Bite Me Martha

Completely contrary to my personality, I subscribe to Martha Stewart Living magazine and love looking through all 180 pages of ridiculousness. Exactly how does one do yoga three times a week, manage a full farm and garden (complete with albino asparagus), and regularly disassemble and clean their oscillating fans? With legions on housekeepers and peons, that is how. But my subscription is paid for with online survey points, so it is totally worth it.

As I flipped through the July issue, I saw the article "New Wardrobe Essentials." This is funny coming from the woman who only wears tent-like cotton collared shirts with mom khakis. The article is really quite interesting and and I find a stylish swimsuit so I look at the prices. I gasp and double check.

A chocolate brown maillot swimsuit ($470) and matching silk sarong ($520). Does Martha realize the purpose of that swimsuit is to be submerged in bleach water and children's urine? Does the damn thing the first suit ever that keeps your crotch from filling up with beach sand? It peaks my interest so I keep looking.

Other things your closet isn't complete without:

• White collared button down shirt ($775) - could it possibly be $750 better than my favorite from JC Penney?
• Black yoga pants ($130) and jacket ($150) - you die a little inside each time you sweat in it
• V-neck sweater ($225) - cashmere & Ralph Lauren
• Crisp khaki pants ($150)
• Black AND tan point toe slingbacks ($575 each -- they are Monolos of course)
• Dark wash denim straight leg jeans ($230)
• Khaki trench coat ($50 - from Old Navy)

Would you wear your Monolos and $775 white shirt with a $50 coat from Old Navy? If you could afford all this stuff would you even know what an Old Navy is?

The sad thing is I read this article 3 days ago and I can't stop thinking about it. I just really hope they don't subscribe to Martha Stewart at the unemployment office and that is the only thing you can read while you are waiting for your Ramen money.

Insert Explicative Here

I have no words for how weird today has been.

It started of innocent enough. Then Brad saw a boxer running lose in the neighborhood and decided it needed to be stay in our yard until we could find its owners. This drove Diesel crazy since there was an unspayed female running around his yard. We thought it was the new neighbor's dog, and posted a note on the door. Brad went for a motorcycle ride while I tended the animals. After about an hour and a half the girl dog started barking and we realized she was scratching at the new fence! NO!!! So Brad went back out with her and noticed her tag was not "just" a rabies tag - it had a phone number on it. Brad called and left a message and they called right back....but they were out of town. After giving us their gate combination lock code, Brad returned the boxer to the yard. And since the owners informed us this dog is a fence jumper, I have a feeling we'll be putting her back in the yard all weekend. Oh well. She is a sweetie.

So how did THIS happen?

After the dog crisis was averted, I decided we should all go to the library. Nothing fancy, I just grabbed my Covey planner (a $90 set-up that serves as calendar and wallet) and a pair of flip flops. While on I-20 between McCart and Trail Lake, I see an explosion of paper out my side mirror. What? Did I hit something? Did it fall out of a vehicle? What was that? Oh crap. My planner. I had put it on the roof of the car when I put Claire in her car seat and forgot about it.

In total panic mode, Brad calls Wells Fargo to cancel my debit card while I circle around to see if the green binder/cover and cards were on the side of the road. I knew the planning pages were littering Southwest Fort Worth.

Loop #1:

With hazards so, I slowly retrace. We see paper everwhere, no wallet, but Brad did see a $10 bill(my Half-Price Books money!) blowing around.

Loop#2

A slow pass with my hazards on, I see it in the 2nd lane. Brad finishes his call with the bank, and I call 911 to request an officer to help me with traffic so I can fetch it.

Loop #3

An officer is en route to help, but requests we go park on the shoulder (luckily a big shoulder) near it. By the time we get there, cars have thrown it onto the shoulder...basically. Brad gets it. There is nothing but a pen left in it.

Brad also sees a card and walks approximately 100 yards back to the on-ramp picking up cards and another 100 yards in front picking up more. I had a few credit cards, debit cards, gift cards to Target, Logans, Disney store, my Sam's card, library card, and drivers license in there. The only things he didn't find (that I can think of) are my Mrs. Baird's frequent buyer card (damn, only $5 left to a free loaf) and my two debit cards...which incidentally where the only things we had already cancelled. I like to think some jerk saw it fly off my car and went to immediately use it, but it was locked. Haha!

The police came and very courteously waited for Brad to walk back to the car safely and I am SO SO thankful that Brad was there and willing to walk the road in the heat for me.

As you can see, my planner sustained MAJOR damage. You can't see in the picture, but there are holes in it. HOLES! Also, besides being covered in road grime, some of my cards are a little worse for the wear. I particularly like how the Sams Card looks like it had a bite taken out of it, the plastic is peeling off my drivers license and the Discover card was folded in half. How do you like those rewards!

All in all, I think it could have been a lot worse, but it still sucked. Needless to say, we are staying home for the rest of the day.

Jedi Baby and Spray Cheese

Bean does not stay still. Never has. The sonogram technician last summer commented on how active she was. You could watch my belly and see her trying to come out "Alien" style. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she is asleep she is groovin'. I don't know how other people take their babies places in the strollers. More than 5 or 10 minutes and Bean comes unglued. Sometimes I can get 15 minutes if we are moving at a fast clip.

So given this bit of information, it is quite hard to get her to eat. She has to sit, in a confining chair, with a BIB, for 15-20 minutes with nothing to grab at except anything within a 2 foot radius. To entertain herself, she rips at her bib getting food on her bib, clothes, and everywhere in between. It is a mess.

Last weekend I ran out of clean bibs, so I threw a dish towel around her neck and secured it with a clothes pin. It was awesome! It caught way more crumbs, covered more surface area, and surprisingly, didn't make Bean want to rip at it. I thoroughly recommend it. Plus, I think it is cute that she looks like a little baby Jedi. Hehe.

Today, while wrapped in her dish towel, she was enjoying a lunch of spaghetti (Gerber jar - yuck) and wanted to finish her meal with some Ritz crackers. Additionally, I whipped out the spray cheese and was putting a little puff on each bit of cracker before she ingested it. It is bad enough she likes spray cheese (gives me the heebie-jeebies) but she started looking at the can, opening her mouth like a baby bird, and doing her Butthead laugh (she huh, huh, huh-huh's like Butthead from Bevis and Butthead when she wants something to eat). Shooting caution to the wind, I sprayed the cheese directly into her mouth. She was overjoyed. It is wrong on so many levels.

Claire Ate Fort Bend County

I was checking my Facebook when I realized Claire was way too quiet. Never a good sign.

She was behind the dining room table, had grabbed Brad's motorcycle backpack, and found a map of Texas. I think she was planning her escape from this insane asylum. Incidently, I don't think she was planning to vist to Fort Bend County in her escapade, since she ate that part of the map. And now I guess we won't be visiting there either.

Katie Couric Has Nothing On This Guy with Jacked Up Teeth

I am so easily irritated.

I'm currently irritated by a number of things:

1. There is grass growing in my pool -- like THROUGH the liner. Freakin' nut grass. I hate nuts. That is why I had my husband fixed this weekend. (Ok, little hehe there.)

2. My eyes are dry and itchy.

3. My house is a mess and I have a friend coming over Tuesday to see this baby ravaged place.

4. My lawnmower is broken and I have knee high crab grass.

5. American media is the reason for all heart disease in America.

Let me explain #5. Heart disease is caused primarily by stress (and a little heredity). Stress is caused by panic. Panic is to the American media as Coke is to Robbie the Cokehead. Therefore, the media is causing the degeneration of my heart.

I opened my yahoo mainpage to see the main story is that North Korea has big nukes pointed at the US and Kim Jong Ill is pissed at America. Suddenly, I picture my family in a bunker eating spam and Twinkies for the next 8 years. (Ironically, the eternal Twinkies is a myth. I had a moldy one in my pantry last week.)

Having been living off DVR'ed re-runs of TLC for the past 18 hours, I suddenly wonder is America under attack, and I know nothing about it? I call myself and remember the recent media warnings: bird flu, africanized honey bees, killer tomatoes, pig flu, mad cow, killer peanut butter and how American media will put anything on to get ratings.

American media - even the evening news and CNN now - pump their shows full of hype. Panic inducing gore, lore, and more and common place. It isn't weird to see OctoMom or Paris Hilton on CNN. True world news is short and hidden among the homosexual escapades of married senators, Deal or Dud tests on As Seen On TV gadgets, and personal pieces on the 101 year old newspaper boy. And that is when you aren't being forced to hear what is coming up next as they tell you over and over and over what they are about to tell you. Egad!

So I head to my favorite news website and similarly favorite news show. www.bbc.com/news That is right. I have to go across the ocean to find out what is going on in my country. On BBC America, the Brits tell me, in boring, but intelligent and thorough and non-hype filled language what is going on. I love it. Their non-partisan viewpoint is refreshing and the reporters don't have on the typical "America is Better Than Everyone Else" blinders on. And don't get me wrong. I love America, but I don't think we are better than everyone else across the board in everything. That is just egotistical.

And what did I learn about North Korea? Nothing. BBC had nothing to report about anything funky going on in North Korea that hasn't been going on for the last 10 years. So I relax. Until I see something about swine flu.

Crazy Coupon Lady

I am a crazy coupon lady. I completely understand that the Walmart cashiers cringe when they see me coming. I have comps, coupons, reusable bags, and typically a baby in the buggy too. I get it. So i try to shop weekday mornings, early (like 7am) weekends, and I try very, very hard to make it easy on the cashiers by putting my freebie coupons on the item (so they don't have to look up the price later) and sorting my comps by store. I'm really good.

So it pisses me off when cashiers get all nasty with me. At Walmart on Monday, my mom spent her lunch break walking around with me holding Bean. When we checked out the cashier took all my coupons and then as we were walking out she reprimanded me -- in front of my mom! She said that I wasn't supposed to use multiple coupons for the multiple items, but she did it for me anyway, but I could get in trouble. She was very condecending and it embarassed me infront of my mom, so I just thanked her and let it go.

She was talking about my razor coupons. Bic Breeze razors were on rollback for $5.14. I had a coupon for $3 off a package of Bic Breeze and a $2 coupon for a package of any Bic razors, so I bought two packages of the razors and used my two coupons. There is nothing wrong with this! Bic put the two coupons in the paper because they WANT consumers to buy two packages. Walmart has nothing to lose because the manufacturer reimburses them the face value plus handling. Large stores who accept coupons (think grocery stores, chain stores etc.) actualy make money on coupons. Did you know that surly cashier? No, because you don't even know your store's coupon policy.

My mom, being the "Cashier Trainer" for her Walmart went to the store manager for clarification. She told the manager that some of the cashiers are being gestapo about coupons and told her about my razor incident. The managers reponse? "Did she buy two packages of razors?" Yes. "So what is the problem? Make the customer happy." So my mom has requested a copy of the corporate coupon policy and has been told to spread the word to the front end to lay off on the poor people trying to save a couple of bucks (actually, that trip I saved $36 with coupons).

I understand these poor people make a meager hourly wage and recieve a modicum of training. If they don't know the policy they should err on the side of the customer and then ask their manager the next time they are around. If it is a big deal (say, someone brings in 10 copies of a "free diapers" coupon) they should say, "Please wait for a minute. I have to have my front end manager approve this transaction. Thanks for your patience." Sure, I have a college degree, but I could have figured that one out in 6th grade.

I have also printed off the Albertsons, Target, Walmart, Kroger, Tom Thumb, and Brookshires Corporate coupon policies to keep in the front of my coupon file. Then I can stick it to the surly cashiers. They don't know who they messed with.

First Bean Dip

Claire went for her first swim yesterday. Sure, the pool was a little cloudy, but all the chemical levels were safe.

I wasn't the least bit apprehensive, but apparently daddy was afraid she would be freaked out. I put on her swim diaper and rash guard top, slathered her with sunscreen and we headed out. Daddy got in the pool first and I handed her to him and together we got her in her float.

Add sunglasses and we have a party! She was kicking and jumping, smiling and giggling. She loved it!

Even though her face looks a little panicky, it is just from the sun making her squint.

What a sweet little Bean dip.

Yes, It Really Is That Bad.

Pathetic amount of sympathy and an occasional rubbing down with hydrocortizone cream. That is all I'm getting from Brad. These bee stings are BAD! I would post a picture, but I really don't want my pasty fat rolls and backne chronicaled for the blog-o-sphere.

On Friday morning after the bee incident, I asked Brad to rub on some cream to which he replied, "Geez! Those are pretty bad. Do you think you need to see the doctor?" What can they do really? I wasn't having any breathing trouble, so I figured it was a waste. I couldn't wear a regular bra to the last day of school, so I wore a stretchy nursing sports bra, baggy shirt and yoga pants I could pull down under the bite on my waist. Classy.

After 30 minutes as school I was pretty miserable. I went to the nurse, who has seen everything (even swine flu this week) expecting a dab of calamine lotion and maybe an ice pack. Instead, she gasped in horror and said, "Oh my gosh! Are you allergic to bees?" Having never been bitten before, I figured everyone got 6-8 inch in diameter whelps that are raised about an inch and look like a fried egg, but instead of yellow and white are red and pink. She forced me to take oral benadryl and advised I go to the doctor for a epi shot.

Not being able to take time off on the last day of school, I forged on in a Benadryl haze. I took Claire to my mom's after school and Mom gasped as well and took pictures (but doesn't have internet access to post them). Which makes me wonder why she wanted pictures...baby book? To show the neighbors? Hang on the refridgerator?

After a night's sleep (on ice packs) the red part has shrunken, but the pink is still huge. And they itch like mad. I'm having fantasies about taking a belt sander to my back. Aaaahhh...

This is the most exciting thing to happen to me in a while. I'm going to soak up the attention while I can. Hopefully the swelling and itching will go down some more tonight.

Why I ripped my clothes off on the last day of school.

Last day of school! Woohoo! It is enough to make you rip off your shirt and run through the front yard.

After the last day today, I jumped in my car and headed across the street to pick up Bean. Just as I pulled into their driveway, I felt a little electric shock. You know how your muscles can do that sometimes or a tag pinches and you have to rub it out? As I reach back to rub, I feel a burn and it starts moving up my shirt. Something is moving and burning like an electric eel is in my car seat. I start screaming "Hheeeeellp! Ooooaaahhhooo! I need help! Aaahhhhahha!" It was really quite pathetic. And start scrambling out of my car.....before I put it in park and come to a complete stop.

One leg out the door, I realize I'm still moving and headed into the rear end of the baby sitter's SUV. Another string of expletives, and I get it in park and jump from the vehicle, engine running, dancing across their lawn pulling my shirt up (and seriously considering removing it) and shaking my hair out. I'm sure the neighbors, who all have kids at my school, are thinking, "Man, that teacher sure is excited about summer break!"

As my dance came to a climax, I saw something fly over my car. I'm assuming a bee, but it could have been a komodo dragon for all the pain and panic. And damn! I thought a bee could only sting once. That is a damned lie! I banged on the sitter's door and when she opened I screamed, "I have to use your bathroom! Bees!!!!" Once inside I removed my shirt and looked at my three small, single puncture wounds. At least it didn't look like a snake. I also had to remove my bra on the way home because the pressure was painful on my back.

With only a modicum of sympathy from my husband (who swears his on his foot when he was five was worse), I resorted to calling my mom for support, but she isn't home. So I'm stuck with 5" diameter whelps coated in hydrocortizone because I'm allergic to Benadryl... and no the irony doesn't escape me.

I think I'm going to have to sleep on my stomach tonight and I may need a pain pill.

How a Fireman Saved Me From a Mexican Street Festival

My best fried Carrie celebrated her 29th birthday last night. Woohoo! She is awesome even though she is way more adventurous, fun, and younger than me (though, fiscally she is older, but I act older). She decided to celebrate her party on a rooftop bar downtown.

1. I don't go out after 5pm.
2. I don't go to bars.
3. I don't do downtown (except for the occasional Sunday matinee movie or Cowtown Marathon).

Being as she is my best friend and I wanted to celebrate with her, I had Daddy put the baby to bed and went out to party, address in hand without a clue where I was going.

I found the place rather quickly, but parking was atrocious. They are doing construction downtown, it is farther than my Sundance Square comfort zone, and there was some kind of even at the convention center. After 25 minutes (no joking) of driving around, I realized I had two options: park slightly closer and walk through wandering hookers and drug dealers or park in Sundance and walk the 9 blocks to the bar. I chose the later.

Immediately regretting my choice of cute high heels, I start zig-zagging down streets. I choose to walk next to the Bass Hall because the Cliburn is in town. People who go to the Cliburn don't mug single girls holding red gift boxes with can openers in them. But I get to a fence on one street and there is a small opening in the side. I just need to cross main street and I'll be there, so I pop on through. As I walk through I turn south and walk another block, but realize I've entered some excitement. The further south I walk, the louder the accordion music gets. I look around and see "Fiesta Party Supplies" vendor, a bounce houses, a churro cart, and vans from every Tejano station in the metroplex with music blasting. Another group is selling Spanish rap albums, a table is set up selling t-shirts with Spanish phrases in Gothic script, and a troop of flamenco dancers is running like they are trying to get someone on time. There were many families, but I was suddenly extremely uncomfortable. A lone white girl had somehow snuck into a Cinco de Mayo street festival.

As a started to panic, I realized that at each block, the street was blocked off with rented fencing - none of which had a gap like I had entered. In fact, reflecting, I realize there were people who were guarding the gap I had entered into, but I guess they thought I was working there or something. Why else would a lone gringo in an orange t-shirt want into a go to a Latin street festival? So panicking, I can't get out, and I'm afraid I'm going to get in trouble for breaking into the event. After three blocks of trying every street and seeing that it kept going to the convention center - deathly afraid I would have to walk down the to convention center and wander around there for an exit - I see my knight in shining Fort Worth Fire Department truck.

With desperation in my voice I tell the officer, "I somehow wandered in here and can't get out. Where is an exit?" To which he coyly replies, "We don't know how to get out either. It closes at 10pm, so I figure they'll start letting people out then." We talked a little more and sensing my panic, he offers to walk me to the end of the side street and move the fence for me to get out onto Houston street. Ahhh...sweet freedom.

But still, being on my own, and being the overly cautious ninny I am, I decided that 9 blocks back to my car in the dark (even avoiding the street festival) was a big no-no. So I stayed at the party for all of maybe 45 minutes before heading back to the car.

It was safe the whole way in the dusk and there were throngs of fat old women with toddlers, Asian tourists, and teens in Abercrombie that had been dropped off for the evening.

Back home in time to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 and get to bed by 9:30 on a holiday night and I got to wish my best friend happy birthday in my own lame way.

A Retrospective of the Week in Pictures

Today, Claire had to get a new swimsuit, complete with infant floatie, sunscreen, swim diaper, and free baby beach ball. The beach ball is her favorite thing ever. It was, of course, free with the purchase of the diapers. That makes her favorite toys of all time: an empty pepsi box, a free beach ball, mom's dirty yard flip flops, and a pacifier (backwards).

I think she rocks the rash guard swimsuit. It is adorable on and protect her from more sun.


I got her a classic swimsuit too. She liked wearing it while rummaging through her dirty laundry. You can see she is testing it for waterproofness with her drool.

The back has a little cut-out which is adorable, but stupid. The swim diaper is going to show. And if you don't have a swim diaper it won't be cute when crypto is floating in your pool.
Earlier this morning I needed to make breakfast while Brad was showering. Bean was rambunctious, so I pulled out her old play mat she is too old for. She loved pushing it around the kitchen and crunching it. Best part? The plastic bag just wipes down with a spritz of Green Spray and a paper towel. How ironic is it that I use paper towels and organic biodegradable cleaners?

Saturday morning Bean woke up at 4:45 for the morning. Even Diesel was pissed she was awake, but he posed before running away in panic.
The reason she was up at 4:45am? She fell asleep on the floor at 6:45pm the night before. She was adorable and would not wake up. Poor thing. Teething is a bitch and the sitter is weaning her morning nap (which Brad declares she still needs).
Bean has also learned how to "spit" her food. It makes a horrible mess and I have to wash my hair afterwards. Brad asked one day, "Is your acne acting up?" No, it was dried splatters of harvest vegetables with whole wheat pasta.

So how was your weekend?

Free Lunch with Move-in

I love signage. Really love it.

There is a storage facility I drive past every day. It is next to "Massage by Val" which is oddly always packed late at night, but deserted during the day hours. Maybe she isn't the happy ending girl; maybe she is just a vampire massage therapist.

The little storage facility isn't a chain. No, "The Best Little Warehouse in Texas" (I so wish I had made that up) is a gate with a vacant lot and a couple of steel building where you can dump your boyfriend's junk when you get pissed at him, park an RV, or I'm pretty sure they will let you hole up an elderly relative there without calling the police.

A new sign popped up outside the warehouse "Free Lunch with Move-in." Since this isn't a nice, climate controlled U-haul facility, I'm thinking they probably aren't handing out $15 Chipotle gift cards. So what exactly does a free lunch get you? Does Merv, the 2nd shifter, hand you a five? Or does he split off half his egg salad sandwich his wife made and share with you? I'm not sure I really want Merv's egg salad. And where is the logic in offering food when you are leasing a storage unit? Wouldn't "one month free" be a more logical offering. Does my salon offer free balance and rotate of my tires when I get a cut & highlight? No. (Although, I'm thinking that would be a great double errand stop)

I will admit the sign certainly has done its job. It has created interest, but I don't think I'm going to be needing a trashy storage unit any time soon, let alone any food Merv is offering.

The Devil Wears Giraffe Footie Jammies

Teething sucks. It sucks worse for Bean, I know, but it sucks for me too. She's been a real hellion. She is fussy, waking up early (I mean 4:30 - 5:00am early), won't nap, puts everything in her mouth, and hates teethers. Seriously? You will eat a piece of dog food, but won't gnaw on a frozen wash cloth or a cold teething ring? And to make matters worse, she is a naturally extremely active baby (if they made infant Adderall she'd be on it!) so she won't sit in my lap or snuggle on the couch or let me hold and comfort her. She's happy if I lay on the floor while she climbs back and forth over my hips splatting onto her face each time. She climbed the whole flight of stairs yesterday (my hands under her butt the whole time) on her 9 month birthday! I'm telling you, she is active.

So this morning she decided to wake up just before 5am for the morning. She fussed and tried to eat shoes then she fussed when I wouldn't let her climb the back of the couch to get the remote controls. After an hour, fed up, I decided to take her to Walmart. She likes going to the store. I was going to keep Bean in her gifaffe jammies, but I needed a little clean up. Walmart doesn't require much, but I did need a face washing, contacts, and my teeth brushed.

I take Bean back to her room (across from my bathroom) and brush my teeth. I check on her and she is eatting a photo album.

I take the album away from her and she comes into the bathroom to eat a magazine, but I'm cleverly hidden the magazine basket in the bathtub behind the shower curtain. She finds it.
Finally, after finding a rouge contact, I look over and she has picked up a brand new roll of toilet paper and thrown it in the toilet. Perfect.

I took her to Walmart and she liked that, but now we are home again. She just woke up from a 20 minute nap and is in here with me eating the Bowflex. She herd the commercial, "In order to get a Bowflex body, you've got to eat a genuine Bowflex." We are working on her listening skills. So how she is riding in her horsie. She really likes it, and smiled for the camera, but is currently screaming like I have her in that stretching machine from the movie "Bloodsport."

I hope these teeth come in soon.

I'm a Trendsetter

It has been a while. Life has been busy. School has been out-of-control busy. Claire has been sick (no swine flu) and Brad threw out his back. He can't do chores and for a while couldn't lift or hold Bean. That sucked.

I've never been one to set trends, but it seems I have now. I absolutely refuse to iron baby clothes. No way. No how. However, a few pair of her shorts have little cuffs that get all wack-jawed in the wash. So I clamp them into place with my flat iron while I'm doing my hair in the morning. I told this to the sitter. Now she flat irons her kids shorts and the little lettuce edges on tanks that roll. I told my fun group of teacher friends. Now they flatten out that funky collar or pant cuff in the bathroom in the morning.

Sweet. I'm the idol of the lazy.

Aldi, Wasn't He One Of Those Singing Chipmunks?

I am soooooo excited. An Aldi is moving into the neighborhood! Here in Texas, we don't have any Aldi's yet, so most people don't know about this fabulous off-price grocery chain.

Until recently, it has been uber-hip to overpay for groceries. We tote our Central Market reusable bags and brag about how fresh and wonderful the olive bar is. Whole Foods patrons will go on and on about their organic, sugar-free (taste-free) peanut butter. Tom Thumb lures you in with great customer service (they acutally carry your groceries out to your car! - how 1950's).

Aldi is the food store for today. And by "today" I mean food for people who have their budgets stretched to the max because of lay-offs or impending joblessness. They carry most of what a regular store carries, but with very few name brands. They have store label everything - plus produce and meat. And their store labeled products are double guaranteed. Meaning, if you don't like it, take the container back and you get you money back AND a different product to try. I'm not a brand whore, so it works for me.

Some other things about Aldi, you have to "rent" your grocery cart. Deposit a quarter and you can get a cart from the cart machine. When you return it, you get your quarter back. It keeps their costs low because they don't have to pay someone $8 an hour to fetch carts from the parking lot. Also, you have to take your own bags - or buy them. We should all be using reusable bags anyway (I do), but I know we all have a pile of like 60 plastic walmart bags tucked in a cabinet somewhere in the kitchen or closet.

So YEAH for Aldi! And double yeah, they are putting in a Dollar Tree next door too. Sweet!

Some Random Pictures of Beanie

Some random pictures I've been wanting to post.

Beanie's First Easter. Those are special "Noah's Ark" Animal Eggs. She enjoyed shoving them in her mouth.

She's learned to pull up in her crib. This is her screaming at Diesel (note: yes, immediately after this picture was taken her matress was lowered to a safe height that conversely kills my back.)

She's all smiles about her formula! And mom loves that she doesn't have to lock herself in the closet and pump at work anymore.

She will climb up on anything. She really liked it when I put the "go-kart" in the living room. You can practically see her laughing.

In her underwear watching NASCAR on a Saturday night. She gets that from her Grampa. (If you look closely, you'll notice it is even a shot of Grampa's driver's car - Junior in the Bud-mobile.)

French fries and bacon

Bean is a great eater so far. Her favorite baby foods are winter squash and a blend of whole wheat pasta and vegetables. How healthful is that?! She likes apples mixed in with her cereal, but alone they are too much! Peaches are tasty, but she prefers vegetables and grains over sweets. Her vices right now? Bacon and french fries. Turkey bacon is a favorite. Daddy likes to give her a little piece to suck on while he holds it. Real bacon doesn't work as well since it falls apart too easily. French fries are yummy too. Daddy bites the end off and she sucks all the soft middle out.

Here's Daddy feeding her a french fry.

And here is Beanie showing off how much potato mush she sucked out of a fry.

And here is Beanie making a funny face and spitting fry meal at Diesel.

Air Guitar is Never Cool

I shouldn't try to delude myself. Air guitar is never cool.

I was rocking out with Claire in the car listening to "Surrender" by Cheap Trick. I pretty much rock that song on Guitar Hero -- even on Medium. So while at the stop light I start playing the bass line, strumming and hitting the imaginary buttons. Then I stop. Wait. Can people in the cars beside me tell that I'm playing the electronic video game version? Or does it look like I'm really cool and actually play guitar?

I'm one smokin' hot momma, so I decide that it definitely looks like I'm playing real guitar, so I continue. Suddenly, I realize: I'm playing air guitar in a parked car. Whether it is PlayStation 3 or Gipson, it is still a very uncool air guitar. I stop.

I can hear Claire humming to the bass line, "Mommy's alright. She just seems a little weird."

About My Bathroom

Recently, I've added super-couponing skills by becoming a "sampler," requesting free samples offered by companies. Originally, I started so that I could get the high-value coupons that accompany most samples, but then I got addicted. Every week there is something other than bills in my mailbox! Surprise - a coconut macadamia nut granola bar. Surprise - a Kotex maxi-pad. Surprise - a tooth whitening strip. Surprise - a free trash bag. Fun stuff, I'm telling ya'.

Today I got the most odd sample I have yet to request. Cotonelle toilet paper. When I requested it I was curious what form the sample would come in. Just a few sheets? A single average roll? Nope. This, a single use mini-roll that won't even fit on the dispenser.

I honestly can't figure out what to do with it. Should I use it up in one sitting? Put it in the car for runny noses? Tuck it in the towel cabinet next to the toilet to avert a "running to the hall closet with pants around your ankles hoping you don't drip" crisis? I guess if this is one of the biggests questions in my life right now, I'm doing pretty good.

Since family is coming over for Easter, I decided to clean the bathroom. Just a general once-over: scrub the toilet, wipe the counter, take a rag over baseboards & tub caulk. As I start, I find the handheld blacklight in there and decide to investigate.

Asside: Why, you ask, do I have a handheld blacklight in my bathroom? I ask you, why YOU don't? Actually, we thought Claire had ringworm, and ringworm floresceses under blacklight, so I brought home my school blacklight (used for my CSI unit) to check out Claire without a $25 co-pay. She's worm free by the way.

I advise you, never, ever, look at your bathroom under the blacklight. Gross! Many body fluids floresce, and you have to really scrub - with bleach - to get it truly clean. It took alot longer than I would have liked and I'm sure Brad was wondering what the hell I was doing in the bathroom with the blacklight and a ratty old cleaning toothbrush while bleach fumes waft out into the hall.

Just another lively Friday night in my house.

Locked out of my own house by an 8 month old

Ok….

So Brad was sleeping in this morning, and I was with Claire getting her ready and trying to get out the door. I had baby food to put in the car, my lunch, laptop, and other assorted goodies that are too much to carry with a baby. I put Claire on her pallet, told Diesel to watch her, and took my stuff out to the garage. About 60 second later I hear Claire talking on the other side of the door. I figure she’s come into the dining room to look for me. I slowly open the door and feel her pushing against it. She has climbed up the door. I can’t just knock her down! So I wait and I feel her plop down. She is way over next to the door jam, so I can’t reach her – the door is only opening about 4-6 inches. He is happily gnawing on a wrapping paper tube lying against the door. If I just push, her little skin will roll under the door, so I’m stuck.

I look through the door and I’l yelling, “Diesel get your blallbee! (what we call his tennis ball)” She will crawl over hot coals to get his nasty tennis balls she isn’t allowed to have. He starts bouncing and barking – a Lassie he is not. I’m trying to coax Claire closer so I can drag her out of the way, but she is happy (for the first time ever!) with her cardboard tube. After about 5 minutes of this, I decide I’ll have to get my cell out of the car and call Brad to come downstairs. Finally! Keeping my phone in the car is a plus! I call the house….no answer. Call again…no answer. He is a light sleeper, so I know he can hear it, he just doesn’t want to answer it. Worst case, I’m thinking, I’ll stand on the hood of my car, it the ceiling of the garage with the old mop and yell for him. The bedroom is right above the garage.

But I remember, with all the stuff I took out to my car, I threw the keys in the front seat. I recently got a front door key after not having one for years. So I was able to raise the garage, go around front (with no shoes in the cold!) and go through the front door.

When I got in to the hallway, Claire and Deez were looking at me as if saying, “What did we do?”

Dumb Bunny....continued

Guess who was outside when I went to let Diesel out this evening! It is a little fuzzy because I shot it through the screen on the window.



Dumb Bunny!!!!!

Dumb Bunny & The Easter Baskets

As city dwellers living just minutes from the Miller Brewery (I can see the sign spinning from my living room window), I am amazed by the number of rabbits that live in our yard.

We have a barn/shed in the back of our tiny lot, and every spring dozens of rabbits live underneath, breed, and drive Diesel crazy. He chases them 'round and 'round the pool and watches them dart into the holes in the rotting fence or dives after them as the seek refuge under the barn. We hate those damn rabbits after it has rained and Diesel comes in with mud caked paws from bowing into the mud to peer at the sheltered bunnies. Otherwise, we really like the little furballs and Deez enjoys the chase. He's never caught one, we wouldn't let him, but I don't think he really want to catch them. Sometimes he'll slow down or freeze when he could snatch it up. I like to think of him as a benevolent bunny sadist.

The most recent rabbit addition is a gray cotton tail we call Dumb Bunny. You can tell Dumb Bunny has been around the block. He is scruffy, slow, and also a little...well...slow. He sits under the pool deck stairs directly infront of the glass patio door and when Diesel get out on the patio he sees Dumb Bunny and goes nuts. He squeals, barks, and throws all 60lbs of his boxer-self into the door. It creates alot of ruckus. Dumb Bunny knows Diesel is about to get let out to pee, but he just sits there. At first we though Dumb Bunny was petrified, but turns out he is just stupid. Brad and I will yell, bang the door, scream "Run Dumb Bunny!!!" and he just sits, so we have no choice but to release the hound. Deez tears off out the door after Dumb Bunny. Dumb Bunny beelines to the fence hole with the reaction time of a geriatric getting some oatmeal. Diesel slows a little to give Dumb Bunny the illusion of near demise. Dumb Bunny escapes again and Diesel makes two speedy circles around the pool to assert his dominance before stopping for a long pee.

This routine has happened several times a week for the past several months. Diesel and Dumb Bunny have their own cadence and routine. Recently, it appears the two have created something of a pact out of reverence for their relationship. After a long day in the house, Diesel really has to go. Brad let Diesel out last week, he looked and Dumb Bunny, who stayed put, and started peeing. It was as if they were having this silent conversation:

Diesel: I really gotta go today!
Bunny: Oh, no problem. Take your time. I'll wait.
Diesel: Thanks. It's been a long day. So how are the kids?
Bunny: Just fine. Trying to get away from the little ones right now. They wear me out.
Diesel: Tell me about it. The owners have a new baby.
Bunny: I sympathize.
Diesel: Ok, I'm finishing up here. You ready?
Bunny: Ready.

Zip!!! The both explode from their positions and commence their regular chase.

I was doing laundry yesterday and one of my old laundry baskets which is cracked, broken, and barely still a basket tears and falls from my hand, pinching as it falls to the ground and hits my toes. I let out an explicative and continue outside to put laundry on the line to dry. When I return back in, there are two fancy new black laundry baskets on the washer! Just what I asked the Easter Bunny for - new "Easter Baskets."

Upon asking Brad where they appeared from, he said he didn't know adding, "It must have been the Easter Bunny. "But Easter isn't for another week," I countered. "Well, maybe Dumb Bunny is filling in for the Easter Bunny this year. You know he's not that bright." So true.

Worst EVER

...diaper!

No seriously. The. Worst. Ever.

I do most of the diaper duty because Brad gags easily and he knows I'm a sucker. It really doesn't bother me. Tonight was awful. Not even that disgusting looking. It just smelled horrible. I was gagging and hacking. Claire is laughing. Brad is on the phone with his brother & I deposit the half dressed baby on him. I couldn't even button the onesie or put her pants on. I had to get away from that smell. Brad is laughing - LAUGHING - and telling his brother about how I'm gagging.

I have to go back into the room to get the diaper. No way this one is going in the Diaper Champ. It is going straight to the out door can, if not the landfill. I start carrying the Kroger sack out and I'm gagging like I'm trying to regurgitate a whole watermelon. I make it outside and proceed to vomit all over the lawn. Not the quiet, discrete barf of a skilled bulimic, but rather a huge raucous yack.

The neighbor is outside grilling dinner. Bon Appetite! I'm sure they won't be inviting us over anytime soon.

She Really Is Part Dog

I swear I did NOT stage this shot & she's never done it before. I figured after today's earlier post I had to share.

I found my quesadilla!

Hey! For those of you interested, I found my quesadilla! The one I posted about over two weeks ago?

Apparently I put it in the kindergarten refridgerator, mindlessly I guess since I don't remember.

It was far too old and disgusting to eat, but at least I now have closure.

Rest In Peace

Delicious Free Chicken Cheese Quesadilla

March 9, 2009 - March 25, 2009

On our way to two legs

I had a great blog all planned in my head yesterday. We ate Wendy's for lunch and Bean got to eat some of her Daddy's french fries. Starting her out healthy already eh? He would bite off the crunchy end and she would gum at it getting the mealy center out. It was sooooo cute and she was crawling across him to get the yellow container and decided if fries were good, his Junior Bacon Cheeseburger had to be great. I have pictures of her eating fries, grabbing and the burger, and looking adoringly at her daddy. Then the camera decided to eat all the pictures. Crap.

So now, all I have to share is her new love: pulling up. It has to be low, so she started with the Boppy chair. That is ok, but she is quickly bored. Then she started using the dog's toy basket, a big no-no. Because she discovers all the cool dog toys in there and starts to eat stuff covered in unknown slime. Next she moved on to the plant stands in the living room that act as end tables.

But they aren't really sturdy, and we have to keep saying, "No...dangerous!" and moving her back to the center of the room. I think they might need to go in the barn for the next 6 months or so.

Finally, she found something she can pull up on!

Look at that cute rump.

She got frustrated and let out this long, high-pitched, squeaky yell that sounds like a baby velociraptor.

She's funny. I think she might be part dog too.

1. She prefers dog toys to baby toys. No slobby tennis ball is safe.

2. She kisses like a dog. She licks instead of puckering.

3. She walks on all fours.

4. She pants. No really, when she is playing or wants something to eat she sticks out her tongue and goes, "ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ah."

5. I saw her go for the dog food bowl yesterday when she was playing in the kitchen.

6. She drools worse than any St. Bernard or Bulldog I've ever seen in the movies.

Since she is exhibiting so many doggy characteristics, I think I will continue to support her efforts to walk on two legs.